The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I am naked and annoyed.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
