the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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