you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
