he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Randomize
