Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
There's always time for handjobs
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
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