we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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