I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Randomize
