it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize