Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
