I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
You smell like a Billy Joel song
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
