69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
