do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
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