And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
