her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
