His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
i need some magic done to my vagina
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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