I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
