She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
