you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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