he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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