lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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