if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
