I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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