I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
