I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Randomize
