I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize