Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
