just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
