I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
