I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
