Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize