i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
