It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
