I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
