Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
