Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Randomize
