The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
