you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
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