he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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