I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
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