You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
As shirtless as possible
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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