dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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