so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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