dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
