I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
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