I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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