well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
