I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
