I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
