Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Such a big mess for such a small penis
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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