I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize