We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
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