"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Randomize
