I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
