8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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