So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Randomize
