my room smells like sperm. sweet.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Randomize
