For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
The struggles of a small town man whore
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
