I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
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