I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
He kissed a someone with a penis
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
