Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Randomize
