If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
