He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Randomize