eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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