You were right. It hurts to walk today.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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