I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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