We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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