brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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