i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
