how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Randomize
