I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
